October Indian Summer

Yes, it is October Indian Summer here in Texas.

I love Indian Summer and I love October - so I will group them together and give them a new name. 'October Indian Summer.'

And four years ago, my dad died on a beautiful, crisp October day.

It was glorious Indian Summer and I will always remember that day.

Bright, warm sun - mixed with a cool breeze blew crispy leaves all over the yard.

I love to sit and watch the leaves blow around - dancing around in circles.

I'm glad I have that memory when I think of my dad.

It makes me smile and actually take the time to sit and enjoy the day.

To enjoy the moment and look back to remember my father.

He was such a comforting presence in my life.

I remember that day like it was yesterday.

Afterwards, I immediately wrote a poem because I felt him so close and so strong inside me.

I wanted to capture that feeling.

And when I read my poem, it takes me back so vividly.

It feels as if four years hasn't even gone by.

I love you dad. Watching movies is not the same without you.

I wish so bad I could call you up and talk to you about current great movies or even better - go to one with you.

I hope my dad is sitting somewhere quiet, surrounded by all the dogs he's ever loved and looking down on me and smiling.

I miss you dad.

I miss your smile, your laugh and your humor.

October 17, 2006

It was October.

The sun warm

the sky blue

and the breeze

cool and crisp

flowed through open windows

and into my house.

Although ready for my mother’s call -

I wasn’t.

My dad was gone.

His slow breathing

simply evaporated

like faint morning mist.

Swept up in the wind

he disappeared into the clouds.

I stumbled

needing to hear his favorite songs.

Lost in the volume

I watched my three year old

dance, twirl and laugh to the music.

I knew he was with me.

I felt him with every emotion.

Every tear

released memories

and slid down my face.

Riding free from pain

on fresh new wings

my father breathed with the wind

and wrapped himself around me.

Swallowing sorrow

I smiled,

as my daughter danced

unknowingly

in the arms of her grandfather.

The Trauma of Tiaras

Today we went to a pageant with Haven. Do not worry. I am NOT getting Haven into pageants. This is NOT what is happening.

Just so you know.

I took her because there was a talent portion of the pageant and she wanted to sing.

Haven loves to sing - and she will sing anywhere.

She sang, "You Belong With Me' by Taylor Swift.

She did not win. At least not the talent portion.

The "Talent Portion" of Haven's age group was won by a little girl won who has been in pageants "since she was 3." I know this because her mother proudly boasted to me.

I wanted to slap this mother. This stupid, materialistic lady.

Why these women need their little girls to win stupid pageants amazes me.

Like they will somehow be loved and glorified by these wins? Did they not have ANY crumb of self esteem when they were young. Very sad....... very sad indeed.

And the little girl who won had elaborate outfits with hugely expensive shoes, boots or a hat for EACH new section of the pageant.

I know, I know ........ this is how it's been done forever - but it does not make it right.

It's sick and wrong and shouldn't be allowed to happen.

This little girl sang "I Wanna Be A Cowboy Sweetheart." And dressed in a little cowgirl outfit (with a hat and everything) - she TOTALLY sang off tune through the whole song.

And please know that I am not just saying that because she was competing against Haven.

Of course I am biased....... BUT she was off tune. I shot video of her performing to show Geoff and London back home - I will pop it onto this blog later and let YOU decide. For the entire melody of the song, she was off tune - BUT she yodeled the choruses and was on tune.

That I cannot understand or explain.

BUT she was loud, (she projected well) and she she moved around like a real little performer. Haven stood like a normal little girl who was singing in front of a crowd (and was a bit shy.)

Oh well, I'd rather have that then an Eloise prancing into the living room to perform for every visitor.

Wait! I already have that with London anyway. And when London is like that - then I have that with Haven too.

When they announced the winners, this little girl was sweeping the tiaras in all the categories.

Haven knew it too. I watched Haven slowly shrink lower and lower in her chair and her head was dropped defeated down to her chest. Then she began wiping her eyes.

I creeped over to Haven and tried to cheer her up.

I was telling her "it was ok and not to cry" - when they suddenly announced Haven's name.

We stood up in surprise and Haven darted around me and skipped to the stage. I aimed the video camera and caught her quick moment - where it would be saved for time and all eternity for her to watch.

I was so happy for Haven!! By this point, I would have paid $1000.00 for any type of win in the pageant and a cheap dollar store tiara. You would have too if you'd seen Haven's crestfallen little face.

Actually, Haven received her win (and tiara) for best in the 'Beauty' category for her age group. I wanted to hug the woman responsible for Haven winning (AND was feeling very good about the win being the Beauty category) .... I always knew my girls took after their Mama.

So we now have a newly crowned princess skipping around the house and cradling her sparkly tiara.

Haven is so happy and proud. And I am proud of her.

I have included the video of her singing in this blog.

And in MY mind, Haven was the best singer there.

Look out little yodeling cowgirl.

Someday you will be an average adult - washed up yet conceited with big hair, a year-round, fake tan and you will need constant praise and affirmation to get you through the day.

Haven on the other hand - will be making TONS of money - singing, traveling, shooting music videos and taking care of her Mama.

And taking care of Mama is all that really matters. Hmmmmmmm?

Mansfield Hometown Idol Competition 2010

Well - here is my competition song - "Love Me Like A Man" by Bonnie Raitt. I was up against Heather, who sang - "You Light Up My Life," and Cliff, who sang a song I wasn't familiar with....... and I won!!

Half of me KNEW I could win...... because I wanted to SO badly AND because I believed in me SO much.

And the OTHER half of me - was TOTALLY shocked that I did win.

It's just that I haven't sang for like 20 years!!

AND when I tried out for the competition - it felt like I was SINGING for the first time in FOREVER!!!

So when I say, ....... I can't BELIEVE I WON - believe me....... I REALLY can't believe that I won!!!!

Ok,....... so NONE of this makes sense to any of you.

But it doesn't matter. It makes sense to me.

And it matters to me.

All that really matters is that something deep inside me.... something that had died and gone to sleep YEARS ago..... has re-awakened.

That something that calls to me...... that makes me listen and open my eyes wide...... that same something that makes me feel young and free

and feels like....... the Lori I knew LONG ago..... has been re-born!

Here I come world - make way for ............ Lori!!

Just kidding.

And that is all that really matters.

All the people that have ever made me feel afraid, ..... intimidated, .......... insecure, .........

none of that matters now.

And even thought I was a complete psycho for 2 weeks while doing all this

(just ask my husband who has begged me never to do anything like this again...... because he had to LIVE with me while I was a frantic lunatic)

I can now hold my head up high and say....... I won.

I am the Mansfield Hometown Idol of 2010.

Just wait till I add that to my resume.

I am just so very proud of myself AND excited.

The fact that my girls are SO MUCH MORE EXCITED ABOUT IT THAN ME ....... makes it even better.

I will post the other 2 songs that I had to sing, along with the contestants that were up against me. This way you can see what my competition was.

I know you SO want to see it all.

So stay tuned for all that.

Tonight, we picked up our free Karaoke Machine from Best Buy. It was a portable one like a getto blaster.

It has DVD, CD, Karaoke, Am/Fm, capabilities on it. Hooks up a mike, and with a certain cord into your car - can play DVD's in the car to watch while driving. TOTALLY COOL.

I have a $50. gift card from Best Buy, and I also won $100.00 cash.

I got a trophy (which Haven has been carrying around the house like it's a 'get transported from earth and automatically be translated into the Celestrial Kingdom FREE Card ......."

It is so cute to watch Haven. She is so excited for me.

Speaking of Haven, ........

she actually has the opportunity to enter a little pageant.

It's a first time pageant where she would have to wear a nice dress (we luckily have a few from when Barbi the shopping Queen bought beautiful dresses for LONDON to wear on our cruise years ago ....) AND it has a talent portion of the pageant. (Perfect for Haven)

And IF she wins - she would get a tiara and a banner.

Haven is SO into this idea - so stay tuned.......

there MAY be more announcements to make in the near future.

Don't Rain On My Parade

Well, ....... for all of you wondering how I did in that singing thing..... (you know, the Pecan Festival that I had to sing for?)

Well, it was cancelled last Saturday because of torrential rain.

I was ALL set, ......

I had calmed my jittery nerves ...... (yeah, right!)

But I was ready.

Then it had to rain on my parade.

By mid-day, the rain had stopped. And although the sky was overcast - the day was nice.

All day long, I kept looking at the clock thinking, "I would have been performing in ONE hour."

Or "Right now, I would be performing."

Or "You know,...... by this time - I would have been DONE!"

But no........., fate would not have it.

It seems I would have to stress and freak out ALL OVER AGAIN when this thing was rescheduled.

Well, it is rescheduled.

It is tomorrow night.

And NOW......... the performance will be at the old local theater downtown.

So, instead of me singing while families would have been casually sitting on the grass while eating a picnic lunch and little Jimmy would have been scampering around and chasing butterflies......... NOW........ I will be singing on a stage while the audience sits quietly with their attentive eyes staring up at me. I will be bathed in a stark spotlight. And I will be freaking!!

No need to panic at all. No, no, no........ there is absolutely no need.........

AND instead of singing 1 song (which took an act of GOD for me to find, rehearse and feel semi-comfortable with) we all now have to sing 3 songs. Oh! The horror of it all........

Everytime I practice my songs - my heart beats so violently - I feel like it will leap out of my throat and choke me. No matter what I do - no matter what I tell myself - I CANNOT calm my crazy, beating heart.

The woman in charge called last night. She wanted the names of my THREE songs. I asked her when I was going on. She told me that in my category (the older and decrepit category) I was last.

Wonderful. So I get to wait while 3 finalists in 3 categories sing.

And then last (but certainly not least......) comes me.

Oh no. There should be NO problems with me waiting for 8 others to sing.

When I finally stagger onto that stage...... I will be a drooling, shaking, freakin' mess!

I am SO not looking forward to this.

If it had not rained - this would have been over and DONE a week ago!!!!

I normally love rain.

Today........ I am still holding a grudge.