The End of Innocence

Well,.... as innocence is dancing around like fairy dust in my sister Shari's house - innocence in MY house is gone.

(explanation: Shari blogged about how they bought the 3rd "Tinkerbell" movie and how her sweet, little Indiana (5 years old) loved it. But Indiana is all about fairies and princesses,.... magic and moonbeams,...... while at MY house...... well,..... things are very different.

At MY house - we look at life through REAL eyes.)

Shari's house,....... ballet lessons with pink tutus and ideas re: home schooling.

My house,..... TWO crazy, "Marley", 100 lb. yellow labs that rip and destroy anything left outside, all-consuming mud fights that make MOM insane, 11 year old hormones and the discovery of cute clothes, make up and BOYS, and a 6 year old that wants to create an art project even in her sleep.

(I'm actually considering putting a lock on my craft room door. Very tired of going into Haven's room to find bottles of leaking glue, .... sharp, scary scissors, .... reams of construction paper (cut up into small, creative shapes - everywhere), .... string and yarn stretched to all 4 corners of her bedroom, .... googgly eyes stuck and imbedded in her carpet, ..... small, colorful, EVIL beads that bite into my bare feet under the disguise of night, ..... do I really need to go on?

But anyway - innocence at MY house is gone. Yes, ..... gone for my sweet little London.

(sigh....)

Remember my previous post about London losing 3 teeth during her science class?

Well, she came home and using her new phone, .... she googled the tooth fairy.

Nice, huh?

It seems on her phone, she also discovered a 'tooth fairy app.'

Yes, ..... it seems for a mere .99¢ - you can have your child CALL the tooth fairy.

This set London's mind whirling.

She then informed me that she no longer believed in the tooth fairy.

I lied of course, and told her there really was a tooth fairy.

She squinted up her eyes and cocked her head at me.

I knew I was going to REALLY have to spew some good ones to make her believe. And believe me, I tried. But I know a lost cause when I see one.

She also informed me that she no longer believes in the Easter Bunny.

Uh oh,..... here it comes.......

But the funny things is - London came to this realization the day AFTER the tooth fairy left her $9.00 for her 3 teeth.

Could she possibly have figured it out a day earlier and saved me $9.00?

No. That would be too easy.

And so the next night, Haven started screaming for me minutes after I've already tucked her in, read her a story, let her get BACK up to get a drink of water, and she's wandered into Geoff and my room 3 separate times.

When I went in, I discovered that she had finally pulled out her 'month-long' loose tooth. WOW! How ironic. As the tooth fairy is dying over in London's room, .... here is Haven's room - she is suddenly re-born.

Funny how things turn out, huh?

And getting Haven back into bed after she had lost her FIRST TOOTH?

Yeah right.

If I ever needed propanol, it was then.

With Haven yelling, "this is the BEST day of my life EVER!" from her room, I sneaked into London's room to borrow some cash.

Why is it that teeth always fall out at night? Just minutes before bedtime?

Of course, London thought THIS was 'way cool." She liked the thought of being involved in all the action, and LOVED the power of lending me money even more.

Especially since she was actually lending the "tooth fairy" money.

The next morning when Haven found $9.00 under her pillow, she could NOT keep from chanting over and over to London, "I got $9.00 for ONE tooth! You got $9.00 for 3 teeth!"

Hopefully, she DOES understand that this is a special occasion - because it is her FIRST tooth.

And when London got home from school the next day, she informed me that she no longer believed in Santa Claus.

Boy, that was quicker than I thought. Geoff and I thought she would maybe last until Christmas - but we did not expect for it to happen the very next day.

Apparently, she must have also found a Santa app.

I tried to convince her that the tooth fairy and the Easter Bunny were invented by greedy business owners who simply wanted to sell more things. I told her how Santa had SO many different names and how he was known by thousands of people for centuries!!

She said, "Mom,... it says online that there is NO Santa."

I came back with, "Oh yeah? ...... Well, it also says online that there is no God. Are you gonna believe that?"

Nice comeback mom.

And I really did have her believing again.

Then Geoff came home.

London attacked Geoff at the door and informed him about her doubts. Just like she did to me earlier - she asked him point blank if there really WAS a Santa Claus? (I am such a better liar than Geoff.)

He sat down on her bed and told her everything.

Traitor.

London then paraded into my room with a big smile and told me how 'sneaky' I am.

I informed her that she has NO idea just how sneaky I am. I explained how I was just trying to keep her believing - because that's the 'magic' of it all. She had no idea that once she stops believing, a part of her childhood would be dead. An innocence would be gone - and it would never ever be the same again.

London nodded and I think she understood.

But I know that I was more sad than London was. Flopping down on our bed, I told Geoff how sad I was. I couldn't believe that London no longer believed in Santa.

An hour later, London came slowly into our room. Passing Geoff's side of the bed, she crumbled into my arms. Tears were rolling down her face.

"Mom, ..... I can't believe there is no Santa Claus," she confessed, holding me tight.

I held her and told her that's why I didn't want her to know the truth. For a few minutes, we just held each other, while she sniffed in the darkness.

Trying to make things better, Geoff explained how she could now be a part of it all. She could now help to create the magic for Haven.

She thought about this for a second before pulling away from me. I thought she was leaving, but no, ....... this new thought had sent her mind whirling once again.

In the darkness, she suddenly had an idea. "Hey!.... now that I know, ...... can I be the one who pretends to be Santa during the night and takes bites out of the cookies?"

Don't worry. London will be all right. It seems that everything is back to normal ........

The Changing of Seasons

Well,..... I guess you can tell what season it is at OUR house.

Yes - it is obviously grasshopper mating season.

I saw these two and decided to test the clarity of the camera in my new iphone.

A few things I find interesting about the grasshoppers are:

•The males are much smaller than the females. (And obviously lighter in weight.....)

•And it seems that when lady grasshopper has had enough - she simply shoves the male grasshopper away - and ends the whole process.

Now that's what I'm taking about!!

Geoff's comment when he saw this video.......

Geoff: "Wow! Look at how her legs are hinged like that! She moved her legs back 180º!"

Then with a provocative wink added, "Baby,...... can YOU do that for ME?"

Men. Pigs. Swine.

Me: "Sure honey,..... when you're done taking out the trash and cleaning up all of your disorganized man piles - you just come and find me. I'll be sure to rotate my legs for you,......"

....... and my foot and my fist,......

...... and at WHICH body part do you want me to rotate my legs towards?"

But there ARE other seasons going on at our house.

London is NOW in 6th grade. She wears a bra, has braces, wears eyeshadow and lipgloss.

I can almost handle the development of breasts,..... but where did wearing of make-up come from?

For anyone who KNOWS London - they will know that she is the biggest Tom-boy EVER! Before 6th grade, her idea of make-up was fresh mud from the river in the backyard. Discovering London, Haven and Lauren (the BFF neighbor next door) at my back door CAKED in half wet/half dried-on mud - from their heads to their toes - was always a shear thrill for me. Most of the time I was just a pair of angry arms to drape their completely stained, brown clothing on as they stripped by the back door and ran past me for the shower.

So London now has baby breasts - AND she has installed Sterling Knight's picture on her phone.

(Oh yes,..... that is another change in our house - London has her own phone.)

Two days ago, London lost 3 teeth during her science class.

I know,...... how does one naturally lose THREE teeth in an hour?

I have no clue.

Possibly her braces were putting a strain on them.......?

Her dentist was already eyeing them. He had said, "It's time for them to come out."

So maybe, she is a bit psycho (like myself) and sat there wiggling them,...... pushing at them, prodding at them,..... until they DID come out.

Anyway - she lost 3 teeth. And after school she waltzed around with these teeth in a zip-lock bag.

Haven was very envious.

Haven, who has informed us that she has "waited 6 long years for ONE of her teeth to come out.

But the nice thing was - Haven actually HAD a loose tooth.

It's just that Haven's tooth has been loose for a good month.

And not being the obsessive, psycho (that London and I naturally are) Haven has taken her time with this tooth.

She has BARELY wiggled it,... hardly pushed it, and nearly NEVER prodded.

I was thinking we would be lucky if this tooth came out by her birthday (which is in January.)

I started dinner and tried to ignore the chanting of, "I have a bag with threeeeeee teeth,..... tooth fairy's coming to seeeeeeee meeeeeee,..........

I'm getting lots of moneeeeeeeey!"

While Haven stomped and wailed in harmony, "That's not fair! I want MY tooth to come out! I want the tooth fairy to come to me too!"

And once dinner hits, evenings at our house become a blur.

There's making sure homework is done, baths or showers, combing out hair, pajamas, TV time for the girls, making sure dessert is eaten BEFORE "Bedtime!" is called out.....

I know it sounds simple, but it's not.

That family on TV that has 19 kids (and quotes the mother as saying she is ready for more.....) is completely insane. I mean, look at how psycho I am with only 2.

If I were that woman, I'd be pulling my hair out.

Seriously!

My head would look like a molting parrot (or one that obsessively plucked at its own feathers in delirium!)

The light in my eyes would be similar to that of an overworked Walmart cashier during Christmas, and I would be on more medication than Anna Nicole Smith, Michael Jackson and Lindsay Lohan combined.

To my sisters Judi and Barbi who each have 4 kids - you both get an invisible brownie button in my book. Just thinking about it makes me,......

No........

I don't even want to think about it.

I'd rather have a colonoscopy then even imagine it.

Anyway,...... I awoke at 4 am and suddenly remembered London and her 3 teeth.

In the dark, I began a desperate search for cash.

(The tooth fairy,....... remember?)

I managed to find $9.00. She DID have 3 teeth!

(I would be curious to know the going rate on teeth these days. If anyone out there is simply giving away quarters for teeth - than I am OBVIOUSLY paying out WAY too much!)

I slipped the money under her pillow and staggered back to my room.

But not before wacking my thigh on the bedframe.

I swear that bedframe is alive.

I KNOW it shifts slightly from left to right- because I always nail my body against it.

"Ooooomph!" I gasped, rubbing my leg.

That'll leave a mark.

Psycho vs. Courage

It takes courage to push yourself to places that you have never been before - to test your limits - to break through barriers..... 'author unknown'

This is what I am telling myself...... every second........ of every day - for the next 2 agonizing weeks.

I know, I am psycho - I admit it. But to be aware of your shortcomings is the first step. Many lost souls simply walk through life and never know they are psycho. I take solace in my knowing,.... in my accepting.... and in my admitting. I am at peace with this knowledge.

The reason for my sudden psycho-ness? The 25th Annual Pecan Festival. It is scheduled for Sept. 25. And it is here in Mansfield, TX.

There will be Bake-offs, prizes for the best lemon meringue pies, 5k runs (Barbi you should come!), food galore, games like horse shoes (yes,.... we ARE in Texas...) and lastly......... a very exciting singing competition called the 'Home Town Idol Competition.'

Since MY girls LOVE to sing and lately I have been encouraging them more and more to sing, I thought, "what a lovely way to bond even more - through singing....."

There are 3 categories in this contest. London and Haven both fall into the 12 and under age category, then there's the 13-17 age category, and lastly - the 18 to elderly and decrepid category. I fall into this one. And since it has SERIOUSLY been 20 years since my young, fresh, perky, energetic, lean limbs have scrambed onto a stage and eagerly belted out confident notes - full of strength and hope - I find myself a BIT anxious,.......JUST a bit....... yeah.... a little bit.....

Oh! I didn't tell you the whole story? Sorry, .... well then.....let's back up. All three of us auditioned. London, Haven and I (Oh! and Danielle across the street - this is London's friend.) We all traipsed down to the local old time theatre on Main Street (where plays and productions take place - not movies or films.) We sat down in old, squeaky, pull down chairs and stared at the closed, red velvet curtain drawn across the silent stage. Parents were sitting with their children, whispering quietly - it was a very anxious few minutes before someone in charge stood up and announced what we were to do.

"When you hear your name, please go onstage, state your name loudly, your age and what song you will be singing." (We were only to sing acapella - and only for about 30 seconds.) I supposed in that small amount of time, one could tell if we were yodeling slack-jawed yokels, awkwardly bellowing out mating calls to the longhorns in the local fields - and that we did NOT belong here.

With a sharp click, a spotlight suddenly illuminated the lone microphone stand on the stage and the theatre dimmed. My heart hammered loudly, anticipating the first unfortunate victim.

A name was called out, and a dark haired girl rose from her chair in the front row. She looked about 13 - was sort of frumpy,... and overly excited, she moved quickly. As she passed in front of the stage, she suddenly tripped - and fell FLAT on her hands and face.

Seriously - she went down like a pro doing some sort of stunt. And as if it was all part of her performance, she landed with her arms and legs out at her sides - FLAT on the floor. We all gasped. Instantly, she was on her feet telling us, (almost pleading with us) that 'she was ok.'

Melting into my chair, I could barely look at her - I felt SO BAD for her. As she climbed the stairs to the stage, we all just stared - our mouths still gaping open from her humiliating 'splat' on the concrete floor. As the silence stretched around her, she stood for a moment, her hand touching the microphone, and then she announced her name and age. She WAS only 13. Poor thing.

As I watched her, my mind raced. I would've tucked my tail and ran for the hills! Man! I had to give that girl some credit. But she didn't just announce her name. She amazed us even further by giving a little speech.

"Since I love America and tomorrow is the anniversary of 9-11, I am going to sing the National Anthem," she announced.

Obviously, her embarrassing 'splat' had certainly not squelched her American pride. And then she sang - and she was really good. She was like a Disney Kid with the trills of notes going up, down, tucked under and held,.... her notes skipped, dipped, rose........ dove, they climbed,..... it was like listening to Mariah Carey when she goes on and on and on - creative and artsy - and you just wish she would sing it the normal way or hurry up and finish it already! But the girl was really good.

That's when I looked over at my kids and knew they didn't belong here. Now don't get me wrong - They LOVE to sing,..... and they're good. It's just that London sometimes sounds like a cat outside your window at night, who's howling at another cat outside your window..... (she's not really THAT bad) and little Haven.... well, she sounds like a gentle Munchkin singing a country song - or in other words, Dolly Parton on helium.

But they ARE very cute to watch.

Truth is: they are not Disney Kids - and this was an audition of Disney Kids on a sugar/steroid high. I was feeling very out of place myself.

Not to sound overly confident - but I have always been able to stay on tune and some have actually told me I had a really good voice.

But now, at 43, ...... need I say more?

I would've traded some of my blings back home in my jewelry box for some of these 15 year old's voices. (and their butts, for that matter.)

I was suddenly overcome with a desperate need to bribe London and Haven with the promise of donuts, hot chocolate and a years supply of pixie sticks if they would agree to give up this whole crazy idea and slink quietly out of the theatre.

But they really wanted to do this - and I really wanted to support them. So with motherly and unconditional love - and in a moment of PURE insanity - I had actually signed MY NAME to the audition list.

Yes,...... it is true. I am psycho.

You heard me correct.

Yes. I auditioned too.

I,.... who has not sang in public for over 20 years - signed my name. As if I would have NO problem doing this simple little thing,.... I took the pen and signed my name.

That was 20 minutes ago - and this was now.

Now, I could barely breathe knowing I was #5 and #1 (the patriotic Disney kid) had just finished.

Very quickly, it was London's turn. She sang, 'Love Story' by Taylor Swift - then I sang, 'Dreams' by Fleetwood Mac - and Haven sang, 'I Need You Now' by Lady Antebellum. And we ALL did really well. I was seriously impressed that they could do something so intimidating and scary. The whole time I sang, my hands were shaking and I had this 'deer in the headlight' sort of look on my face. When I took a breath, I could feel how every ounce of saliva in my mouth had instantly evaporated. My tongue felt like a dry, shriveled-up sponge. I tried to act like I wasn't having a heart attack, but every eye was watching me - and they knew. They knew I had just peed my pants.

But my girls - they simply walked up there, took the microphone, announced their name and sang - la la la la la..... as if they did this everyday.

A hour later - at home - I was still shaking. We were told that someone would call us Sunday IF we made it through to the next round. At this point, I was seriously praying that we didn't get a call.

Sunday we got the call.

And the verdict was: London and Haven did NOT make it.

But guess what?

I did.

Thud, thud,..... thud, thud,..... thud, thud,...... thud, thud,.......

THAT is the sound of my heart.

EVERYTIME I think about it, my face goes pale and my heart starts going crazy.

And since there were only 3 people trying out in the 'elderly and decrepid' category, I automatically MADE it into the final round.

THE FINAL ROUND will take place LIVE..... AT the Pecan Festival.

I cannot believe I have done this to myself.

Half of me is sort of excited,...... but the other half wants to set myself on fire so I will be laid up in the hospital when the 25th rolls around.

And yet I know - If I hadn't tried out, the whole time while watching the performers, I would be DYING to be up there.

But I also know, that NOW I WILL BE DYING - because the whole time I'm watching, I will KNOW that I am NEXT!

I know - I am a psycho. A complete psycho. Do not think I am NOT aware of this. Do you remember? I AM the one who admitted it earlier in this blog.

So, now I am scouring my list of songs that I know well, ......

that I possibly sing WELL,.....

and I am freaking.

I REALLY just want to call them up and tell them I've changed my mind.

But I don't want to show my girls that I am a quitter.

I REALLY just want to NOT stress about this for 2 weeks!

I really just want to quit.

But I can't.

So once again, I have gotten myself into something that will frazzle my brain and mess with my mind (and make me even more insane later.....)

Welcome to my world.

The world of an uncontrollable YET admitted psycho.

Won't you come on in?

Please make yourself at home.......

and stay for a while.