The Changing of Seasons

Well,..... I guess you can tell what season it is at OUR house.

Yes - it is obviously grasshopper mating season.

I saw these two and decided to test the clarity of the camera in my new iphone.

A few things I find interesting about the grasshoppers are:

•The males are much smaller than the females. (And obviously lighter in weight.....)

•And it seems that when lady grasshopper has had enough - she simply shoves the male grasshopper away - and ends the whole process.

Now that's what I'm taking about!!

Geoff's comment when he saw this video.......

Geoff: "Wow! Look at how her legs are hinged like that! She moved her legs back 180º!"

Then with a provocative wink added, "Baby,...... can YOU do that for ME?"

Men. Pigs. Swine.

Me: "Sure honey,..... when you're done taking out the trash and cleaning up all of your disorganized man piles - you just come and find me. I'll be sure to rotate my legs for you,......"

....... and my foot and my fist,......

...... and at WHICH body part do you want me to rotate my legs towards?"

But there ARE other seasons going on at our house.

London is NOW in 6th grade. She wears a bra, has braces, wears eyeshadow and lipgloss.

I can almost handle the development of breasts,..... but where did wearing of make-up come from?

For anyone who KNOWS London - they will know that she is the biggest Tom-boy EVER! Before 6th grade, her idea of make-up was fresh mud from the river in the backyard. Discovering London, Haven and Lauren (the BFF neighbor next door) at my back door CAKED in half wet/half dried-on mud - from their heads to their toes - was always a shear thrill for me. Most of the time I was just a pair of angry arms to drape their completely stained, brown clothing on as they stripped by the back door and ran past me for the shower.

So London now has baby breasts - AND she has installed Sterling Knight's picture on her phone.

(Oh yes,..... that is another change in our house - London has her own phone.)

Two days ago, London lost 3 teeth during her science class.

I know,...... how does one naturally lose THREE teeth in an hour?

I have no clue.

Possibly her braces were putting a strain on them.......?

Her dentist was already eyeing them. He had said, "It's time for them to come out."

So maybe, she is a bit psycho (like myself) and sat there wiggling them,...... pushing at them, prodding at them,..... until they DID come out.

Anyway - she lost 3 teeth. And after school she waltzed around with these teeth in a zip-lock bag.

Haven was very envious.

Haven, who has informed us that she has "waited 6 long years for ONE of her teeth to come out.

But the nice thing was - Haven actually HAD a loose tooth.

It's just that Haven's tooth has been loose for a good month.

And not being the obsessive, psycho (that London and I naturally are) Haven has taken her time with this tooth.

She has BARELY wiggled it,... hardly pushed it, and nearly NEVER prodded.

I was thinking we would be lucky if this tooth came out by her birthday (which is in January.)

I started dinner and tried to ignore the chanting of, "I have a bag with threeeeeee teeth,..... tooth fairy's coming to seeeeeeee meeeeeee,..........

I'm getting lots of moneeeeeeeey!"

While Haven stomped and wailed in harmony, "That's not fair! I want MY tooth to come out! I want the tooth fairy to come to me too!"

And once dinner hits, evenings at our house become a blur.

There's making sure homework is done, baths or showers, combing out hair, pajamas, TV time for the girls, making sure dessert is eaten BEFORE "Bedtime!" is called out.....

I know it sounds simple, but it's not.

That family on TV that has 19 kids (and quotes the mother as saying she is ready for more.....) is completely insane. I mean, look at how psycho I am with only 2.

If I were that woman, I'd be pulling my hair out.

Seriously!

My head would look like a molting parrot (or one that obsessively plucked at its own feathers in delirium!)

The light in my eyes would be similar to that of an overworked Walmart cashier during Christmas, and I would be on more medication than Anna Nicole Smith, Michael Jackson and Lindsay Lohan combined.

To my sisters Judi and Barbi who each have 4 kids - you both get an invisible brownie button in my book. Just thinking about it makes me,......

No........

I don't even want to think about it.

I'd rather have a colonoscopy then even imagine it.

Anyway,...... I awoke at 4 am and suddenly remembered London and her 3 teeth.

In the dark, I began a desperate search for cash.

(The tooth fairy,....... remember?)

I managed to find $9.00. She DID have 3 teeth!

(I would be curious to know the going rate on teeth these days. If anyone out there is simply giving away quarters for teeth - than I am OBVIOUSLY paying out WAY too much!)

I slipped the money under her pillow and staggered back to my room.

But not before wacking my thigh on the bedframe.

I swear that bedframe is alive.

I KNOW it shifts slightly from left to right- because I always nail my body against it.

"Ooooomph!" I gasped, rubbing my leg.

That'll leave a mark.