Every Breath We Take

Geoff is at a funeral right now. One of his friends, (a co-worker) died on Christmas day. This was a man he met just this last year, right after I was diagnosed with breast cancer. Right before my diagnosis, this man was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. When he heard about me - Geoff and he began talking. I remember Geoff coming home so sad about this man's condition. As his condition worsened, Geoff watched him get thinner and thinner. I think seeing this man, and also knowing him - and the fact that he didn't have much time left, made Geoff realize how lucky we really were. And the whole time, this man would ask Geoff how I was doing. He was praying for me! He knew he didn't have much time left, and yet he was thinking of me. This last week, the hospital sent him home. He could barely eat. In fact, I believe Geoff told me that he couldn't eat anymore. I can't imagine being sent home from the hospital basically,... to die.

I don't think I will ever know how truly lucky I was - that my cancer was found so early. I can't imagine being diagnosed with cancer and knowing I only have a little bit of time left before I will die. Life as I know it, simply existing - effortlessly inhaling and exhaling breath,... is something I don't even think about. It is something I take for granted. Even after having a double mastectomy and going through all the recovery - I still can't relate to the fact that I could have so easily died! Never having pain or symptoms, and how I bounced back so easily after my surgeries - my whole cancer experience still seems so surreal.

And this man,... after opening his Christmas presents,..... died. I can't even imagine. As I write this, I have a really bad headache - one that is quickly turning into a migraine. But at least I can feel this pain. I am alive to have this headache. I think of this man, and of my father who passed away two years ago - and I can't imagine not being! All of us who just took a breath of air without thinking, without even realizing it - please know how lucky we are. Say a prayer for someone out there who is not so healthy or so fortunate.

And......

when this brief life

has ended,

.... the angels

shall lift us

on golden wings,

.... into the Light

from which we came.