The Color Of Cancer

This is the first poem I've written about having breast cancer since my diagnosis in Dec. 2007. I wanted to write one about cancer, and knew it was inside me (no pun intended....) It just took a while to work its way out. When you find out you have cancer, this complete and utter fear invades every part of you. I just kept wondering, "how big is it?", "where exactly is it?", "what shape is it?", "how fast is it growing?", and also wondered, "what color is cancer?" I feel this poem explains all the images I believed cancer to be.

The Color Of Cancer

If cancer had color,
would it be bright red with horror-
its heartless vines stretching
like fresh blood spatter on a wall?

Or maybe purple-
royally empowered with greed,
plundering poor cells and leaving no survivors?

Do I imagine it yellow-
oozing sickly jaundice,
while weakening the body, turning strength into stench?

Or possibly blue-
frosty and unfeeling,
like a cold I.V. slowly dripping icy fear?

I can picture it green-
sprouting spores of fresh fungus,
rapidly spreading poisonous polyps.

I once thought it black-
casting pure evil, cursing my soul,
a Salem witch hanging heavy on my heart.

But now know it’s white-
cut out with my breasts
cleansed free, I own breath,
my baptism of birth and a gift of my worth.

Laying Low....

I haven't written for awhile,.... kinda been lying around recuperating from my 2nd surgery following a double mastectomy.... but feeling much perkier now! I wanted to share a story that affected me and my youngest daughter a few years ago. Most of the time, I think we believe our children learn from us, as parents,.... but many times, parents can learn so much from our children.
During my experience with breast cancer, my daughters have learned quite a bit. They have not only learned what a woman goes through physically with surgery, but what a woman goes through emotionally as well. Although this came as an unexpected and emotional speed bump in my life- as a family, we have realized there is so much potential for analyzing life in general and to be so thankful for what we still have.
When you are diagnosed with cancer, you have to stop and think- "What is more important? Breasts? Or Breath?" When I was faced with this decision earlier this year in February, I felt very confident about my decision. Scared to death, but confident. And everyday, when I look at myself in the mirror, then look around at my life, and at my children and husband,... I know that I chose breath. Cancer no longer owns me. I faced cancer head on, hauled my foot back and kicked it hard in the butt! And now, I own breath! This concept is something I know I have taught my two daughters,... something they will always remember.
The following post explains how my youngest daughter once taught me. Looking back now, perhaps this is the reason I was able to look cancer in the eye and conquer it so completely,....