Late Night Screams And Loose Teeth

Well Haven got another tooth out last night. She was screaming and crying and wanting me to pull it (it was hanging by a single root.) You would have thought that her leg was hanging by her bone by the way she was screaming.

Everytime I got my fingers near her trembling lips, she would pull her head back and run off screaming like a total psycho. She finally fell asleep without pulling it.

I checked on her in the night. I was afraid she would swallow it.

Nope, it was still there.

I even tried to pry open her mouth (very gently) and just yank it -

but even in her sleep, she thrashed around a bit and somehow knew I was there.

I left the dang thing alone.

This morning, the sound of Haven's screaming woke me up.

She was running from London (who now felt the need to pull it.)

Poor Haven, somehow she escaped me - but she will NEVER escape London.

And London got it. She promised Haven she would NOT pull it -

she would ONLY touch it.

And then she pounced.

I would have done the same thing last night, except my adult fingers would not move quickly in Haven's tiny mouth.

But London swooped in and saved the day.

No more screaming about teeth for awhile. (I take that back - Haven has 3 more loose teeth rattling around in her head.)

Poor tooth - it never knew what hit it.

Now Haven tells me she does not want to put her tooth under her pillow.

She wants to KEEP her tooth.

I told her to simply leave a note for the Tooth Fairy and she will let you KEEP the tooth AND she will STILL give you money.

Nope,.... Haven does not trust the Fairy to not take her tooth.

And her simple response to me was, "Mom,..... it's only money."

This comment twists in my stomach after MY prize of $380,000,000 was STOLEN out from under me in the Mega Millions Lottery 2 weeks ago. That was SO unfair. That money was supposed to be mine!! Hmmmph!

Dazed and Confused

Ok -

so yes.....

this is London's 6th grade school picture.

Jay and Shari? Where are you when I need you?

This is what her pictures look like every year.

She has this phobia about smiling.

Doesn't seem to know HOW to smile anymore.

You'd think her parents were avid photographers or something

who made her pose constantly.

This is SO not true.

But -

even with practicing at home, we cannot get it right.

Actually, this is what I feel like most days.

London has completely captured my feelings and expression down perfectly.

Most days, I feel like I am overwhelmed by time.

Time is not my friend.

Time ticks away and NEVER thinks of me.

There is never enough time for me in a day

and I hate it.

Most of the time, I cannot believe the work day is over and it is time to start dinner.

Then without remorse, time moves relentlessly into evening time.

And then the day is over.

Sigh.......

What is the answer for this?

Anyone know?

Because I NEED more time.

Barbi has my name for Christmas.

Barbi - I want time.

Find it for me and buy it.

I don't care how much it costs.

I can't wait to unwrap my precious time on Christmas morning.

October Indian Summer

Yes, it is October Indian Summer here in Texas.

I love Indian Summer and I love October - so I will group them together and give them a new name. 'October Indian Summer.'

And four years ago, my dad died on a beautiful, crisp October day.

It was glorious Indian Summer and I will always remember that day.

Bright, warm sun - mixed with a cool breeze blew crispy leaves all over the yard.

I love to sit and watch the leaves blow around - dancing around in circles.

I'm glad I have that memory when I think of my dad.

It makes me smile and actually take the time to sit and enjoy the day.

To enjoy the moment and look back to remember my father.

He was such a comforting presence in my life.

I remember that day like it was yesterday.

Afterwards, I immediately wrote a poem because I felt him so close and so strong inside me.

I wanted to capture that feeling.

And when I read my poem, it takes me back so vividly.

It feels as if four years hasn't even gone by.

I love you dad. Watching movies is not the same without you.

I wish so bad I could call you up and talk to you about current great movies or even better - go to one with you.

I hope my dad is sitting somewhere quiet, surrounded by all the dogs he's ever loved and looking down on me and smiling.

I miss you dad.

I miss your smile, your laugh and your humor.

October 17, 2006

It was October.

The sun warm

the sky blue

and the breeze

cool and crisp

flowed through open windows

and into my house.

Although ready for my mother’s call -

I wasn’t.

My dad was gone.

His slow breathing

simply evaporated

like faint morning mist.

Swept up in the wind

he disappeared into the clouds.

I stumbled

needing to hear his favorite songs.

Lost in the volume

I watched my three year old

dance, twirl and laugh to the music.

I knew he was with me.

I felt him with every emotion.

Every tear

released memories

and slid down my face.

Riding free from pain

on fresh new wings

my father breathed with the wind

and wrapped himself around me.

Swallowing sorrow

I smiled,

as my daughter danced

unknowingly

in the arms of her grandfather.

The Trauma of Tiaras

Today we went to a pageant with Haven. Do not worry. I am NOT getting Haven into pageants. This is NOT what is happening.

Just so you know.

I took her because there was a talent portion of the pageant and she wanted to sing.

Haven loves to sing - and she will sing anywhere.

She sang, "You Belong With Me' by Taylor Swift.

She did not win. At least not the talent portion.

The "Talent Portion" of Haven's age group was won by a little girl won who has been in pageants "since she was 3." I know this because her mother proudly boasted to me.

I wanted to slap this mother. This stupid, materialistic lady.

Why these women need their little girls to win stupid pageants amazes me.

Like they will somehow be loved and glorified by these wins? Did they not have ANY crumb of self esteem when they were young. Very sad....... very sad indeed.

And the little girl who won had elaborate outfits with hugely expensive shoes, boots or a hat for EACH new section of the pageant.

I know, I know ........ this is how it's been done forever - but it does not make it right.

It's sick and wrong and shouldn't be allowed to happen.

This little girl sang "I Wanna Be A Cowboy Sweetheart." And dressed in a little cowgirl outfit (with a hat and everything) - she TOTALLY sang off tune through the whole song.

And please know that I am not just saying that because she was competing against Haven.

Of course I am biased....... BUT she was off tune. I shot video of her performing to show Geoff and London back home - I will pop it onto this blog later and let YOU decide. For the entire melody of the song, she was off tune - BUT she yodeled the choruses and was on tune.

That I cannot understand or explain.

BUT she was loud, (she projected well) and she she moved around like a real little performer. Haven stood like a normal little girl who was singing in front of a crowd (and was a bit shy.)

Oh well, I'd rather have that then an Eloise prancing into the living room to perform for every visitor.

Wait! I already have that with London anyway. And when London is like that - then I have that with Haven too.

When they announced the winners, this little girl was sweeping the tiaras in all the categories.

Haven knew it too. I watched Haven slowly shrink lower and lower in her chair and her head was dropped defeated down to her chest. Then she began wiping her eyes.

I creeped over to Haven and tried to cheer her up.

I was telling her "it was ok and not to cry" - when they suddenly announced Haven's name.

We stood up in surprise and Haven darted around me and skipped to the stage. I aimed the video camera and caught her quick moment - where it would be saved for time and all eternity for her to watch.

I was so happy for Haven!! By this point, I would have paid $1000.00 for any type of win in the pageant and a cheap dollar store tiara. You would have too if you'd seen Haven's crestfallen little face.

Actually, Haven received her win (and tiara) for best in the 'Beauty' category for her age group. I wanted to hug the woman responsible for Haven winning (AND was feeling very good about the win being the Beauty category) .... I always knew my girls took after their Mama.

So we now have a newly crowned princess skipping around the house and cradling her sparkly tiara.

Haven is so happy and proud. And I am proud of her.

I have included the video of her singing in this blog.

And in MY mind, Haven was the best singer there.

Look out little yodeling cowgirl.

Someday you will be an average adult - washed up yet conceited with big hair, a year-round, fake tan and you will need constant praise and affirmation to get you through the day.

Haven on the other hand - will be making TONS of money - singing, traveling, shooting music videos and taking care of her Mama.

And taking care of Mama is all that really matters. Hmmmmmmm?

Mansfield Hometown Idol Competition 2010

Well - here is my competition song - "Love Me Like A Man" by Bonnie Raitt. I was up against Heather, who sang - "You Light Up My Life," and Cliff, who sang a song I wasn't familiar with....... and I won!!

Half of me KNEW I could win...... because I wanted to SO badly AND because I believed in me SO much.

And the OTHER half of me - was TOTALLY shocked that I did win.

It's just that I haven't sang for like 20 years!!

AND when I tried out for the competition - it felt like I was SINGING for the first time in FOREVER!!!

So when I say, ....... I can't BELIEVE I WON - believe me....... I REALLY can't believe that I won!!!!

Ok,....... so NONE of this makes sense to any of you.

But it doesn't matter. It makes sense to me.

And it matters to me.

All that really matters is that something deep inside me.... something that had died and gone to sleep YEARS ago..... has re-awakened.

That something that calls to me...... that makes me listen and open my eyes wide...... that same something that makes me feel young and free

and feels like....... the Lori I knew LONG ago..... has been re-born!

Here I come world - make way for ............ Lori!!

Just kidding.

And that is all that really matters.

All the people that have ever made me feel afraid, ..... intimidated, .......... insecure, .........

none of that matters now.

And even thought I was a complete psycho for 2 weeks while doing all this

(just ask my husband who has begged me never to do anything like this again...... because he had to LIVE with me while I was a frantic lunatic)

I can now hold my head up high and say....... I won.

I am the Mansfield Hometown Idol of 2010.

Just wait till I add that to my resume.

I am just so very proud of myself AND excited.

The fact that my girls are SO MUCH MORE EXCITED ABOUT IT THAN ME ....... makes it even better.

I will post the other 2 songs that I had to sing, along with the contestants that were up against me. This way you can see what my competition was.

I know you SO want to see it all.

So stay tuned for all that.

Tonight, we picked up our free Karaoke Machine from Best Buy. It was a portable one like a getto blaster.

It has DVD, CD, Karaoke, Am/Fm, capabilities on it. Hooks up a mike, and with a certain cord into your car - can play DVD's in the car to watch while driving. TOTALLY COOL.

I have a $50. gift card from Best Buy, and I also won $100.00 cash.

I got a trophy (which Haven has been carrying around the house like it's a 'get transported from earth and automatically be translated into the Celestrial Kingdom FREE Card ......."

It is so cute to watch Haven. She is so excited for me.

Speaking of Haven, ........

she actually has the opportunity to enter a little pageant.

It's a first time pageant where she would have to wear a nice dress (we luckily have a few from when Barbi the shopping Queen bought beautiful dresses for LONDON to wear on our cruise years ago ....) AND it has a talent portion of the pageant. (Perfect for Haven)

And IF she wins - she would get a tiara and a banner.

Haven is SO into this idea - so stay tuned.......

there MAY be more announcements to make in the near future.

Don't Rain On My Parade

Well, ....... for all of you wondering how I did in that singing thing..... (you know, the Pecan Festival that I had to sing for?)

Well, it was cancelled last Saturday because of torrential rain.

I was ALL set, ......

I had calmed my jittery nerves ...... (yeah, right!)

But I was ready.

Then it had to rain on my parade.

By mid-day, the rain had stopped. And although the sky was overcast - the day was nice.

All day long, I kept looking at the clock thinking, "I would have been performing in ONE hour."

Or "Right now, I would be performing."

Or "You know,...... by this time - I would have been DONE!"

But no........., fate would not have it.

It seems I would have to stress and freak out ALL OVER AGAIN when this thing was rescheduled.

Well, it is rescheduled.

It is tomorrow night.

And NOW......... the performance will be at the old local theater downtown.

So, instead of me singing while families would have been casually sitting on the grass while eating a picnic lunch and little Jimmy would have been scampering around and chasing butterflies......... NOW........ I will be singing on a stage while the audience sits quietly with their attentive eyes staring up at me. I will be bathed in a stark spotlight. And I will be freaking!!

No need to panic at all. No, no, no........ there is absolutely no need.........

AND instead of singing 1 song (which took an act of GOD for me to find, rehearse and feel semi-comfortable with) we all now have to sing 3 songs. Oh! The horror of it all........

Everytime I practice my songs - my heart beats so violently - I feel like it will leap out of my throat and choke me. No matter what I do - no matter what I tell myself - I CANNOT calm my crazy, beating heart.

The woman in charge called last night. She wanted the names of my THREE songs. I asked her when I was going on. She told me that in my category (the older and decrepit category) I was last.

Wonderful. So I get to wait while 3 finalists in 3 categories sing.

And then last (but certainly not least......) comes me.

Oh no. There should be NO problems with me waiting for 8 others to sing.

When I finally stagger onto that stage...... I will be a drooling, shaking, freakin' mess!

I am SO not looking forward to this.

If it had not rained - this would have been over and DONE a week ago!!!!

I normally love rain.

Today........ I am still holding a grudge.

The End of Innocence

Well,.... as innocence is dancing around like fairy dust in my sister Shari's house - innocence in MY house is gone.

(explanation: Shari blogged about how they bought the 3rd "Tinkerbell" movie and how her sweet, little Indiana (5 years old) loved it. But Indiana is all about fairies and princesses,.... magic and moonbeams,...... while at MY house...... well,..... things are very different.

At MY house - we look at life through REAL eyes.)

Shari's house,....... ballet lessons with pink tutus and ideas re: home schooling.

My house,..... TWO crazy, "Marley", 100 lb. yellow labs that rip and destroy anything left outside, all-consuming mud fights that make MOM insane, 11 year old hormones and the discovery of cute clothes, make up and BOYS, and a 6 year old that wants to create an art project even in her sleep.

(I'm actually considering putting a lock on my craft room door. Very tired of going into Haven's room to find bottles of leaking glue, .... sharp, scary scissors, .... reams of construction paper (cut up into small, creative shapes - everywhere), .... string and yarn stretched to all 4 corners of her bedroom, .... googgly eyes stuck and imbedded in her carpet, ..... small, colorful, EVIL beads that bite into my bare feet under the disguise of night, ..... do I really need to go on?

But anyway - innocence at MY house is gone. Yes, ..... gone for my sweet little London.

(sigh....)

Remember my previous post about London losing 3 teeth during her science class?

Well, she came home and using her new phone, .... she googled the tooth fairy.

Nice, huh?

It seems on her phone, she also discovered a 'tooth fairy app.'

Yes, ..... it seems for a mere .99¢ - you can have your child CALL the tooth fairy.

This set London's mind whirling.

She then informed me that she no longer believed in the tooth fairy.

I lied of course, and told her there really was a tooth fairy.

She squinted up her eyes and cocked her head at me.

I knew I was going to REALLY have to spew some good ones to make her believe. And believe me, I tried. But I know a lost cause when I see one.

She also informed me that she no longer believes in the Easter Bunny.

Uh oh,..... here it comes.......

But the funny things is - London came to this realization the day AFTER the tooth fairy left her $9.00 for her 3 teeth.

Could she possibly have figured it out a day earlier and saved me $9.00?

No. That would be too easy.

And so the next night, Haven started screaming for me minutes after I've already tucked her in, read her a story, let her get BACK up to get a drink of water, and she's wandered into Geoff and my room 3 separate times.

When I went in, I discovered that she had finally pulled out her 'month-long' loose tooth. WOW! How ironic. As the tooth fairy is dying over in London's room, .... here is Haven's room - she is suddenly re-born.

Funny how things turn out, huh?

And getting Haven back into bed after she had lost her FIRST TOOTH?

Yeah right.

If I ever needed propanol, it was then.

With Haven yelling, "this is the BEST day of my life EVER!" from her room, I sneaked into London's room to borrow some cash.

Why is it that teeth always fall out at night? Just minutes before bedtime?

Of course, London thought THIS was 'way cool." She liked the thought of being involved in all the action, and LOVED the power of lending me money even more.

Especially since she was actually lending the "tooth fairy" money.

The next morning when Haven found $9.00 under her pillow, she could NOT keep from chanting over and over to London, "I got $9.00 for ONE tooth! You got $9.00 for 3 teeth!"

Hopefully, she DOES understand that this is a special occasion - because it is her FIRST tooth.

And when London got home from school the next day, she informed me that she no longer believed in Santa Claus.

Boy, that was quicker than I thought. Geoff and I thought she would maybe last until Christmas - but we did not expect for it to happen the very next day.

Apparently, she must have also found a Santa app.

I tried to convince her that the tooth fairy and the Easter Bunny were invented by greedy business owners who simply wanted to sell more things. I told her how Santa had SO many different names and how he was known by thousands of people for centuries!!

She said, "Mom,... it says online that there is NO Santa."

I came back with, "Oh yeah? ...... Well, it also says online that there is no God. Are you gonna believe that?"

Nice comeback mom.

And I really did have her believing again.

Then Geoff came home.

London attacked Geoff at the door and informed him about her doubts. Just like she did to me earlier - she asked him point blank if there really WAS a Santa Claus? (I am such a better liar than Geoff.)

He sat down on her bed and told her everything.

Traitor.

London then paraded into my room with a big smile and told me how 'sneaky' I am.

I informed her that she has NO idea just how sneaky I am. I explained how I was just trying to keep her believing - because that's the 'magic' of it all. She had no idea that once she stops believing, a part of her childhood would be dead. An innocence would be gone - and it would never ever be the same again.

London nodded and I think she understood.

But I know that I was more sad than London was. Flopping down on our bed, I told Geoff how sad I was. I couldn't believe that London no longer believed in Santa.

An hour later, London came slowly into our room. Passing Geoff's side of the bed, she crumbled into my arms. Tears were rolling down her face.

"Mom, ..... I can't believe there is no Santa Claus," she confessed, holding me tight.

I held her and told her that's why I didn't want her to know the truth. For a few minutes, we just held each other, while she sniffed in the darkness.

Trying to make things better, Geoff explained how she could now be a part of it all. She could now help to create the magic for Haven.

She thought about this for a second before pulling away from me. I thought she was leaving, but no, ....... this new thought had sent her mind whirling once again.

In the darkness, she suddenly had an idea. "Hey!.... now that I know, ...... can I be the one who pretends to be Santa during the night and takes bites out of the cookies?"

Don't worry. London will be all right. It seems that everything is back to normal ........