Hooray! I have a new Hero!

So London has gone through 3 groups of girls to eat lunch with. Three groups of girls who have told her that she is too annoying and obnoxious to eat with them.

London does not understand 'personal space.' She loves everyone, has SO much energy and expects everyone to love her back while leaping and bounding around like a wild tornadic frog. I have SO given birth to myself with London.

And that's why it hurts so much to watch.

It's like reliving it all over again. It's like hitting the rewind button everyday and seeing everything that YOU did as a kid. Only I feel her pain for real.

She had her first boyfriend this school year. This boy came out of no where and liked her. He swooped in, made her smile, made her realize she WAS likeable and for a few months - London was a completely different person. She was happy. She was calm. She listened to the words of songs and smiled mysteriously,....... as if she understood something secretive.

Then he broke up with her. And started calling her 'no chin.'

At first London didn't get it. I did. (See,... London has a small chin.) but then she started to realize. But apparently when London turned sideways,...... her chin didn't measure up to how normal chins were supposed to measure. So this boy started a rude, mean nickname about her. And then others joined in, and soon many people were calling her 'no chin.' Jerk.

The boy broke up with London in December, and appropriately - Taylor Swift's song, 'December' came out at the same time. I would catch London laying on her bed, ...... quietly,.... just listening to the words.

And then she started coming out of her slump. But she still was having girl 'group' problems. When I would try to talk to her about it - she would get mad and tell me it was ok. She would say that she didn't care that she was weird. Could care LESS that she was crazy. She said that she was used to it.

It is so hard to stand back and watch hurt.

It just...... hurts.

After weeks of hearing London say she wanted to switch teams at school (all the 6th graders are divided into teams named after ivy league colleges,) I finally emailed her assistant principal to see how to go about this. I really didn't WANT her to switch teams mid-year, but I still needed his opinion. I simply let him know she was having problems meeting and keeping friends right now.

He emailed me back and let me know he also did not think it was a good idea. He suggested talking with the counselor at school (who had just purchased new materials about how girls can get along better) and how the counselor could really help. (I had suggested talking with the counselor to London and Geoff, but NO,...... this was quickly rejected.)

Then,.... the most amazing thing happened. The assistant principal sought London out at lunch, went up to her, walked with her while she bought her lunch and then led her to a group of girls to eat with. (Because London buys her lunch, she is not allowed to eat with the 'bringers.' These are the kids who BRING their lunches to school. Apparently the BRINGERS and the BUYERS are not supposed to intermingle.) Hmmmmm....... I guess this is a really BAD thing.

But the assistant principal asked London who she would like to eat with and then led her to them and allowed this inter-lunchable union.

After this, one of the girls who has been VERY mean and rude to London came up to her and apologized for being so mean and said she would very much like it if London would eat with them in the future.

What the.....?

And at recess, London said everyone was SO nice to her and that no one teased her. Even her old boyfriend was aware of the assistant principal talking to her and seemed to be watching.....

In my opinion, everyone was freaking because they KNEW they were doing wrong and were now scared out of their pants of getting into trouble.

But she came home from school and was leaping around the family room and yelling about how she had the "awesome-most" day in the world!!

This enchanting and magical behavior from the kids at school lasted for the rest of the week.

Today, it is STILL going well.

All because one assistant principal cared enough to check on my child and step in.

Mr. Cooper - you are my hero.

Late Night Screams And Loose Teeth

Well Haven got another tooth out last night. She was screaming and crying and wanting me to pull it (it was hanging by a single root.) You would have thought that her leg was hanging by her bone by the way she was screaming.

Everytime I got my fingers near her trembling lips, she would pull her head back and run off screaming like a total psycho. She finally fell asleep without pulling it.

I checked on her in the night. I was afraid she would swallow it.

Nope, it was still there.

I even tried to pry open her mouth (very gently) and just yank it -

but even in her sleep, she thrashed around a bit and somehow knew I was there.

I left the dang thing alone.

This morning, the sound of Haven's screaming woke me up.

She was running from London (who now felt the need to pull it.)

Poor Haven, somehow she escaped me - but she will NEVER escape London.

And London got it. She promised Haven she would NOT pull it -

she would ONLY touch it.

And then she pounced.

I would have done the same thing last night, except my adult fingers would not move quickly in Haven's tiny mouth.

But London swooped in and saved the day.

No more screaming about teeth for awhile. (I take that back - Haven has 3 more loose teeth rattling around in her head.)

Poor tooth - it never knew what hit it.

Now Haven tells me she does not want to put her tooth under her pillow.

She wants to KEEP her tooth.

I told her to simply leave a note for the Tooth Fairy and she will let you KEEP the tooth AND she will STILL give you money.

Nope,.... Haven does not trust the Fairy to not take her tooth.

And her simple response to me was, "Mom,..... it's only money."

This comment twists in my stomach after MY prize of $380,000,000 was STOLEN out from under me in the Mega Millions Lottery 2 weeks ago. That was SO unfair. That money was supposed to be mine!! Hmmmph!

Dazed and Confused

Ok -

so yes.....

this is London's 6th grade school picture.

Jay and Shari? Where are you when I need you?

This is what her pictures look like every year.

She has this phobia about smiling.

Doesn't seem to know HOW to smile anymore.

You'd think her parents were avid photographers or something

who made her pose constantly.

This is SO not true.

But -

even with practicing at home, we cannot get it right.

Actually, this is what I feel like most days.

London has completely captured my feelings and expression down perfectly.

Most days, I feel like I am overwhelmed by time.

Time is not my friend.

Time ticks away and NEVER thinks of me.

There is never enough time for me in a day

and I hate it.

Most of the time, I cannot believe the work day is over and it is time to start dinner.

Then without remorse, time moves relentlessly into evening time.

And then the day is over.

Sigh.......

What is the answer for this?

Anyone know?

Because I NEED more time.

Barbi has my name for Christmas.

Barbi - I want time.

Find it for me and buy it.

I don't care how much it costs.

I can't wait to unwrap my precious time on Christmas morning.

October Indian Summer

Yes, it is October Indian Summer here in Texas.

I love Indian Summer and I love October - so I will group them together and give them a new name. 'October Indian Summer.'

And four years ago, my dad died on a beautiful, crisp October day.

It was glorious Indian Summer and I will always remember that day.

Bright, warm sun - mixed with a cool breeze blew crispy leaves all over the yard.

I love to sit and watch the leaves blow around - dancing around in circles.

I'm glad I have that memory when I think of my dad.

It makes me smile and actually take the time to sit and enjoy the day.

To enjoy the moment and look back to remember my father.

He was such a comforting presence in my life.

I remember that day like it was yesterday.

Afterwards, I immediately wrote a poem because I felt him so close and so strong inside me.

I wanted to capture that feeling.

And when I read my poem, it takes me back so vividly.

It feels as if four years hasn't even gone by.

I love you dad. Watching movies is not the same without you.

I wish so bad I could call you up and talk to you about current great movies or even better - go to one with you.

I hope my dad is sitting somewhere quiet, surrounded by all the dogs he's ever loved and looking down on me and smiling.

I miss you dad.

I miss your smile, your laugh and your humor.

October 17, 2006

It was October.

The sun warm

the sky blue

and the breeze

cool and crisp

flowed through open windows

and into my house.

Although ready for my mother’s call -

I wasn’t.

My dad was gone.

His slow breathing

simply evaporated

like faint morning mist.

Swept up in the wind

he disappeared into the clouds.

I stumbled

needing to hear his favorite songs.

Lost in the volume

I watched my three year old

dance, twirl and laugh to the music.

I knew he was with me.

I felt him with every emotion.

Every tear

released memories

and slid down my face.

Riding free from pain

on fresh new wings

my father breathed with the wind

and wrapped himself around me.

Swallowing sorrow

I smiled,

as my daughter danced

unknowingly

in the arms of her grandfather.

The Trauma of Tiaras

Today we went to a pageant with Haven. Do not worry. I am NOT getting Haven into pageants. This is NOT what is happening.

Just so you know.

I took her because there was a talent portion of the pageant and she wanted to sing.

Haven loves to sing - and she will sing anywhere.

She sang, "You Belong With Me' by Taylor Swift.

She did not win. At least not the talent portion.

The "Talent Portion" of Haven's age group was won by a little girl won who has been in pageants "since she was 3." I know this because her mother proudly boasted to me.

I wanted to slap this mother. This stupid, materialistic lady.

Why these women need their little girls to win stupid pageants amazes me.

Like they will somehow be loved and glorified by these wins? Did they not have ANY crumb of self esteem when they were young. Very sad....... very sad indeed.

And the little girl who won had elaborate outfits with hugely expensive shoes, boots or a hat for EACH new section of the pageant.

I know, I know ........ this is how it's been done forever - but it does not make it right.

It's sick and wrong and shouldn't be allowed to happen.

This little girl sang "I Wanna Be A Cowboy Sweetheart." And dressed in a little cowgirl outfit (with a hat and everything) - she TOTALLY sang off tune through the whole song.

And please know that I am not just saying that because she was competing against Haven.

Of course I am biased....... BUT she was off tune. I shot video of her performing to show Geoff and London back home - I will pop it onto this blog later and let YOU decide. For the entire melody of the song, she was off tune - BUT she yodeled the choruses and was on tune.

That I cannot understand or explain.

BUT she was loud, (she projected well) and she she moved around like a real little performer. Haven stood like a normal little girl who was singing in front of a crowd (and was a bit shy.)

Oh well, I'd rather have that then an Eloise prancing into the living room to perform for every visitor.

Wait! I already have that with London anyway. And when London is like that - then I have that with Haven too.

When they announced the winners, this little girl was sweeping the tiaras in all the categories.

Haven knew it too. I watched Haven slowly shrink lower and lower in her chair and her head was dropped defeated down to her chest. Then she began wiping her eyes.

I creeped over to Haven and tried to cheer her up.

I was telling her "it was ok and not to cry" - when they suddenly announced Haven's name.

We stood up in surprise and Haven darted around me and skipped to the stage. I aimed the video camera and caught her quick moment - where it would be saved for time and all eternity for her to watch.

I was so happy for Haven!! By this point, I would have paid $1000.00 for any type of win in the pageant and a cheap dollar store tiara. You would have too if you'd seen Haven's crestfallen little face.

Actually, Haven received her win (and tiara) for best in the 'Beauty' category for her age group. I wanted to hug the woman responsible for Haven winning (AND was feeling very good about the win being the Beauty category) .... I always knew my girls took after their Mama.

So we now have a newly crowned princess skipping around the house and cradling her sparkly tiara.

Haven is so happy and proud. And I am proud of her.

I have included the video of her singing in this blog.

And in MY mind, Haven was the best singer there.

Look out little yodeling cowgirl.

Someday you will be an average adult - washed up yet conceited with big hair, a year-round, fake tan and you will need constant praise and affirmation to get you through the day.

Haven on the other hand - will be making TONS of money - singing, traveling, shooting music videos and taking care of her Mama.

And taking care of Mama is all that really matters. Hmmmmmmm?

Mansfield Hometown Idol Competition 2010

Well - here is my competition song - "Love Me Like A Man" by Bonnie Raitt. I was up against Heather, who sang - "You Light Up My Life," and Cliff, who sang a song I wasn't familiar with....... and I won!!

Half of me KNEW I could win...... because I wanted to SO badly AND because I believed in me SO much.

And the OTHER half of me - was TOTALLY shocked that I did win.

It's just that I haven't sang for like 20 years!!

AND when I tried out for the competition - it felt like I was SINGING for the first time in FOREVER!!!

So when I say, ....... I can't BELIEVE I WON - believe me....... I REALLY can't believe that I won!!!!

Ok,....... so NONE of this makes sense to any of you.

But it doesn't matter. It makes sense to me.

And it matters to me.

All that really matters is that something deep inside me.... something that had died and gone to sleep YEARS ago..... has re-awakened.

That something that calls to me...... that makes me listen and open my eyes wide...... that same something that makes me feel young and free

and feels like....... the Lori I knew LONG ago..... has been re-born!

Here I come world - make way for ............ Lori!!

Just kidding.

And that is all that really matters.

All the people that have ever made me feel afraid, ..... intimidated, .......... insecure, .........

none of that matters now.

And even thought I was a complete psycho for 2 weeks while doing all this

(just ask my husband who has begged me never to do anything like this again...... because he had to LIVE with me while I was a frantic lunatic)

I can now hold my head up high and say....... I won.

I am the Mansfield Hometown Idol of 2010.

Just wait till I add that to my resume.

I am just so very proud of myself AND excited.

The fact that my girls are SO MUCH MORE EXCITED ABOUT IT THAN ME ....... makes it even better.

I will post the other 2 songs that I had to sing, along with the contestants that were up against me. This way you can see what my competition was.

I know you SO want to see it all.

So stay tuned for all that.

Tonight, we picked up our free Karaoke Machine from Best Buy. It was a portable one like a getto blaster.

It has DVD, CD, Karaoke, Am/Fm, capabilities on it. Hooks up a mike, and with a certain cord into your car - can play DVD's in the car to watch while driving. TOTALLY COOL.

I have a $50. gift card from Best Buy, and I also won $100.00 cash.

I got a trophy (which Haven has been carrying around the house like it's a 'get transported from earth and automatically be translated into the Celestrial Kingdom FREE Card ......."

It is so cute to watch Haven. She is so excited for me.

Speaking of Haven, ........

she actually has the opportunity to enter a little pageant.

It's a first time pageant where she would have to wear a nice dress (we luckily have a few from when Barbi the shopping Queen bought beautiful dresses for LONDON to wear on our cruise years ago ....) AND it has a talent portion of the pageant. (Perfect for Haven)

And IF she wins - she would get a tiara and a banner.

Haven is SO into this idea - so stay tuned.......

there MAY be more announcements to make in the near future.

Don't Rain On My Parade

Well, ....... for all of you wondering how I did in that singing thing..... (you know, the Pecan Festival that I had to sing for?)

Well, it was cancelled last Saturday because of torrential rain.

I was ALL set, ......

I had calmed my jittery nerves ...... (yeah, right!)

But I was ready.

Then it had to rain on my parade.

By mid-day, the rain had stopped. And although the sky was overcast - the day was nice.

All day long, I kept looking at the clock thinking, "I would have been performing in ONE hour."

Or "Right now, I would be performing."

Or "You know,...... by this time - I would have been DONE!"

But no........., fate would not have it.

It seems I would have to stress and freak out ALL OVER AGAIN when this thing was rescheduled.

Well, it is rescheduled.

It is tomorrow night.

And NOW......... the performance will be at the old local theater downtown.

So, instead of me singing while families would have been casually sitting on the grass while eating a picnic lunch and little Jimmy would have been scampering around and chasing butterflies......... NOW........ I will be singing on a stage while the audience sits quietly with their attentive eyes staring up at me. I will be bathed in a stark spotlight. And I will be freaking!!

No need to panic at all. No, no, no........ there is absolutely no need.........

AND instead of singing 1 song (which took an act of GOD for me to find, rehearse and feel semi-comfortable with) we all now have to sing 3 songs. Oh! The horror of it all........

Everytime I practice my songs - my heart beats so violently - I feel like it will leap out of my throat and choke me. No matter what I do - no matter what I tell myself - I CANNOT calm my crazy, beating heart.

The woman in charge called last night. She wanted the names of my THREE songs. I asked her when I was going on. She told me that in my category (the older and decrepit category) I was last.

Wonderful. So I get to wait while 3 finalists in 3 categories sing.

And then last (but certainly not least......) comes me.

Oh no. There should be NO problems with me waiting for 8 others to sing.

When I finally stagger onto that stage...... I will be a drooling, shaking, freakin' mess!

I am SO not looking forward to this.

If it had not rained - this would have been over and DONE a week ago!!!!

I normally love rain.

Today........ I am still holding a grudge.